* in this picture: an illustration of another song by Tuna that describes the final goal for me, to go back with the moon in my car. painting by Noam Tarazi.
Who was I in this derive?
First I need to approach the differences between the different beings, the different representation of me in now and then.
How often do I change? What does it takes for me to change, to become something else or is it always the same ‘me’? That of course can be related to the ‘redefining of the self’ I had to do, rather I wanted that or not, by moving here. Therefore in a way, the location im at has the power to change who I am. Im always comparing what I’m experiencing here to what I know from home. I travelled quite a bit before moving here, and never compared anything before. Maybe it’s the amount of time I spent here and the fact that im trying to call this place home.
So immediately as we started walking I thought about home and why im very Israeli and Jewish here. Things I’ve never felt before. Im very free here, to think, to express, to live my own life as I choose, and because I have no one here im very lonely and finding myself more and more trying to tie more knots to who I am. I kept thinking during the walk about who am I to be now. Im definitely not the same person who left home, and the encounter between those 2 ‘Jasmines’ would be interesting. I know I should feel younger now, im a student, I came back to working in part time jobs instead of grown-ups jobs but still, it’s the first time I really feel old and that I haven’t accomplish anything. Everything we saw felt estrange and familiar at the same time. And all this limbo or the uncanny felt like it pushing me to define or to decide already who am I, a thing I didn’t think I would do at the age of 28.
This song is talking about how I felt and was written during a derive as well. Im sorry its in Hebrew but this is who I am.